Will my children know we struggled to feed them? 

After having children it got me thinking about how I was raised. Did my Mum and Dad ever go with out so they could provide for us? Did they ever worry that they weren’t  good enough?  Did they ever struggle to feed us? I have done all these things since I became a mum.

My mum raised 4 children and at times worked 3 jobs so she must have done these things too, surely? I don’t ever remember her struggle, I don’t remember my mum and dad splitting up. I just have happy memories of playing on the moors with my sisters and cousins, having the an occasional trip to Butlins, playing with my friends at nursery and school.

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Baking bread and mental health 

Baking bread is partly the reason why I love to cook. After having Eva, due to having a bad birth, pretending that I could cope and being completely unprepared for parenthood, I developed severe postnatal depression, OCD and anxiety. I suffered in silence for nearly a year. I gave up my job, refused to go outside and I felt like a terrible mother. I finally plucked up the courage to talk to the doctor, just telling one person felt like an enormous weight had been lifted off my shoulders and my world became a little less darker. I told Stephen by text message because I was too ashamed to tell him to his face but with his and other family members support, I began to feel like my normal self again. However, I still felt a bit empty and still not 100%.

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